Thursday, Apr. 08, 2004 - 12:41 P.M.

You know those websites designed to let you find people you went to school with long ago? So long, in fact, that you have perhaps forgotten that you didn�t want to ever see or speak to them again, thus you are on said website.

I'm not sure if you all have noticed it yet, but I�m extremely snarky and sarcastic. I am the girl who sat in the bleachers and made fun of the cheerleaders at the pep rallies. I am so the kind of person who (clearly) would make fun of the people who join these sites. Several years ago I joined one of them. I had to, to further my quest of making fun of others. You have to sign up to see what other losers have signed up. Perhaps they are hoping to be found by a supposed long lost paramour or a football coach who will relive the glory days with their sorry, lame, still-thinking-high school-was-the-best-part-of-their-life ass.

Recently I got an email from a guy I do remember, remember being very sweet and nice and remember actually being very fond of. (Fond of? Jeez, what am I like, 80?). Of course, my definition of �fond of� in 1987 is decidedly different than the 2004 definition of �fond of.�

Excerpt from email:

I am working as a planner for the City of ___________ and still trying to get out from underneath the last part of my Master's degree. I travel extensively. I was able to go to Europe last fall and I have Washington, D.C. / Manhattan next month. I'm likely to go to Florida for a short Mom-and-Pop visit in May. Some friends are talking to me about a Vegas trip later in the year. When you write me back, be sure to bring me up to speed on the latest with you. I'm sure it's impressive, whatever it is.

Shall we take the parts that made me want to swallow jagged pieces of metal one by one?

City Planner--Probably a pretty status filled position. However, I wouldn�t know as I had no higher education, pretty much got married right out of high school, had babies, worked at meaningless jobs, and frankly? I couldn't give a monkey�s fart less what a City Planner does. But, I�ll tell you this, the "city" he plans for? FUBAR.

Master�s Degree--Shit. Sucka-ass.

Extensive Traveler--I�ve been to what we southerner�s commonly refer to as the �Redneck Riviera� (Panama City Beach, Florida to you yanks), Myrtle Beach, Illinois and Kentucky. I suck. I know it and I�m okay with it. I am. I am not defensive. Am not! What the hell are you looking at?

�Be sure to bring me up to speed�.I�m sure it�s impressive, whatever it is.�--Ya think? Way back when I was voted �Most Likely To Succeed.� I have (had) a reputation to uphold ya�ll. So, do you think if I emailed Mr. back he would think that being twice divorced, schlepping for a life-blood draining company (Quick aside--someone asked me over the phone today how it felt to be working here and I told them I wouldn�t know, I�m not working here now) and never having left a 300 mile radius of where we grew up is impressive? Oh yeah, I think that would wow him.

Caring at all about what he would think makes me sound as if deep down, I�m a very shallow person. When, in fact, I have no depth at all.

Take that Mr. Man.

You Give Me Fervor - Friday, Feb. 17, 2006
Revamped Sex Camp - Thursday, Jan. 26, 2006
I'm Not Dead - Tuesday, Jan. 10, 2006
Ebert And Roeper? Watch Your Backs. - Tuesday, Nov. 29, 2005
Coffee? Tea? Map? - Monday, Nov. 07, 2005

� Purplecigar

�

�

previous - next