Monday, Apr. 26, 2004 - 4:55 P.M.

Have you seen vendors of your company who come to deliver, repair, replace, etc. items that you think are attractive? Perhaps you have even engaged in harmless flirting with these people. I know I certainly have.

But, have you ever wondered what it would be like if you actually dated these people? I mean, it�s one thing to be all that you can be with the Crystal Springs guy while he replenishes the office�s water supply. Or to shake it with the copier guy while he�s working that can of compressed air like nobody�s business. Maybe the plumber does it for you. But what if you saw each other outside of the office microcosm? In the real world. Where there are problems and people have issues? And flaws. And warts. Hopefully, not of the genital variety.

We had an air conditioning repairman who was so, oh so HOT. It reeks of irony, doesn�t it? That he would be sent here cool things off. His name was Scott a/k/a �Hot Scott.� His milkshake brought all the girls to the yard, if you know what I mean. To give you a point of reference (if you are old enough to remember this) remember the Diet Coke Guy? The Diet Coke commercial with the construction worker who was shirtless and ladies in a nearby office would gather about everyday to watch him drink from his cold, glistening can of Diet Coke? (Is anyone else parched right now?) THAT was Hot Scott. He was that good looking. And he lived on a houseboat. And the only reason I know that is because he told me, not because I visited it. I�m not sure how that�s relevant, I�m just saying.

Hot Scott was called in one afternoon to rectify the fact that it was 93� outside and ninth-layer-of-hell inside. To fix the a/c, Hot Scott needed to be able to reach a spot that was awkward to get to at best and damn near screw it at worst and he had to lie down to do it. So there was Hot Scott, lying on the floor, sweating and grunting and I�m pretty sure he was talkin� dirty too. It was magnificent.

Ok, so as hot as Hot Scott was, would he have remained so had we seen each other outside of the environment of For-The-Love-Of-God-Nothing-Exciting-Ever-Happens-Around-Here? Probably not. It�s the Average Bachelor at the Paradise Hotel in Eden syndrome. People on these reality dating shows all feel they�ve made a �connection� and have found their ain true love. I think we all could find someone we connected with if, for a month or so, our surroundings consisted of a faux Spanish-style McMansion plopped in the middle of a gorgeous tropical landscape with maid service, a chef and all the alcohol you can handle at your beck and call. Frankly, if you couldn�t find someone you wanted to connect with in such a setting it�d be more of a shocker, wouldn�t it? That�s the show they should put on T.V.

In such an environment perhaps Jeffrey Dahmer would have seemed appealing (�Yes, Mother. I�ve heard the rumors about body parts. But I don�t care. We have a connection. I mean, there�s a pool right outside my door! And 24/7 fruit and cheese! And Rum Runners! He�s the one. I just know it.�)

Just try to keep your head, Sunshine.

You Give Me Fervor - Friday, Feb. 17, 2006
Revamped Sex Camp - Thursday, Jan. 26, 2006
I'm Not Dead - Tuesday, Jan. 10, 2006
Ebert And Roeper? Watch Your Backs. - Tuesday, Nov. 29, 2005
Coffee? Tea? Map? - Monday, Nov. 07, 2005

� Purplecigar

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