Thursday, Apr. 29, 2004 - 11:33 A.M.

Everyone knows a person who knows everything, right? I�m not talking about knows everything in the sense of Jeopardy! World Champion. I�m talking about knows everything in the sense of Earth�s Most Annoying Busybody.

I know just such a person. This person would make the president of PETA seriously consider sitting down to a nice plate of fried chicken, with a side order of pork. And meatballs. Everything you mention she has either done or experienced or, at minimum, knows someone who has. And it never fails that the �someone� is a close personal friend or family member. She must have one helluva Christmas card list don�t ya think?

(Warning--you could interpret what I�m about to say as �mean.� If, �Wow, you are a bitch� is your interpretation, well, okay, I can live with that. Read on though. Maybe I can sway you over to the bitchtress side of the fence.) It�s become a game among the people who are in her stratum on a regular basis to make up the wackiest stuff possible just to see if she will take the bait. I�m happier than I should be to say she rarely disappoints.

Here is a sampling of things she claims knowledge about:

Remote villages in Tibet (where she claims to have traveled and snogged a sherpa.);

What the tiger was thinking when he nearly decapitated Roy Horn (because she communicates with cats. They are one. Yes, sad as it is, you read that right.); and

Whether or not Mayor McCheese is pissed that Ronald McDonald gets all the glory (I kid you not. Her college roomie was majoring in advertising and�you know what? It�s all bullshit anyhow. Who cares?).

Now, how can someone have knowledge about all that? And that was just a smidgeon of the things! I told you it was wacky stuff. As yet, we�ve only stumped her a couple of times. It really is a tremendously fun way to pass an evening. Especially when she�s had a bit of the sauce and she�s extra grandiose with her falsities and subterfuge. We make sure she�s invited to all parties. Let�s face it, you can only play Suck-N-Blow so many times, which, despite it�s name, is not a dirty game at all. You may end up tonguing your neighbor though. That�s an entry for another time.

Y�all are super creative. Help me out won�t you? The suggestion box is open.

You Give Me Fervor - Friday, Feb. 17, 2006
Revamped Sex Camp - Thursday, Jan. 26, 2006
I'm Not Dead - Tuesday, Jan. 10, 2006
Ebert And Roeper? Watch Your Backs. - Tuesday, Nov. 29, 2005
Coffee? Tea? Map? - Monday, Nov. 07, 2005

� Purplecigar

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