Friday, Apr. 30, 2004 - 5:20 P.M.

Adultery. I know some people who have committed it. My life has been touched by it. I currently have two friends contemplating it. Both are in different stages of contemplation and neither has actually committed it. At least I don�t think they have. I know you are reading, Friend #1 and Friend #2, so this is for you. But it ain�t pretty.

What constitutes adultery? At what stage is it committed? Is it an actual sexual act with someone other than your spouse? Is it when you merely think of committing that sexual act? Is it when you merely THINK of that person with lust? Is it flirting with intent?

To my friends I say this: Don�t Do It. The grass is NOT always greener and though you always want something you cannot have, well, you always want something you cannot have! To your way of thinking, your spouse is a pig of great proportion or a bitch of 10.5 magnitude. That�s because he/she is your spouse. Friend #1, don�t think for one second that the guy you are fantasizing about is any less of a slob than your spouse. He is not. But he can cover that fact up for the couple of hours you hang out together. You should have a chat with his wife. She�ll set you straight on him not being Mr. Perfect I am sure. His wife. Remember her?

And, Friend #2, women are no different. Have a chat with my husband why don�t you? I can hold out and be Ms. Sparkling Personality for at least half a day (assuming none of his family is around) and then I turn back into Tightly Wound Sarcastic Woman (Hey! I think I�ll get leotards with �TWSW� on the chest.). I mean, sure this side gal of yours is great when you go to lunch together, that�s what? Maximum an hour and a half? If I set my mind to it I could charm the pants off a monk in an hour and a half. You know why? �Cause I�m a woman and I have breasts. And, I will be the first to tell you we can be very manipulative. We have great capacity for caring and kindness. But if we want something, watch out. She�s no different I�m sure. You should have a beer with her husband. Her husband. Remember him?

When you see each other in the environment you are currently seeing each other in, it�s very hard to picture that person doing or saying anything to make you unhappy. You see them and you get giddy. Your heart races and your palms sweat. You don�t think about dirty socks on the floor or him going hunting all weekend and leaving you alone. You don�t think about her nagging the crap out of you or being a bitch to your friends. Out of the frying pan and into the fire, that�s where you are headed. With astounding speed and velocity.

Friends, as you are reading this, you�re probably pretty pissed. I�m sure the fact I prefaced it by telling you it wasn�t going to be pretty matters not to you. Sleep on it (the words, not your side play pals. Let�s stay focused here). If your still pissed tomorrow, think about this--apparently noticing when someone is trying to be a real friend and tell you the truth instead of being your lapdog and telling you whatever you want to hear may not be your strong suit. Maybe you should clear your head really, really good before making any decisions. If divorce is in your future�well, fine I guess. But, don�t take two other families with you, you selfish twits.

Despite the harsh tone, I care about you both. So, knock it off.

(Btw�how many clich�s did this thing contain!)

You Give Me Fervor - Friday, Feb. 17, 2006
Revamped Sex Camp - Thursday, Jan. 26, 2006
I'm Not Dead - Tuesday, Jan. 10, 2006
Ebert And Roeper? Watch Your Backs. - Tuesday, Nov. 29, 2005
Coffee? Tea? Map? - Monday, Nov. 07, 2005

� Purplecigar

�

�

previous - next