Wednesday, May. 05, 2004 - 12:00 P.M.

This is something different for me. By different I mean writing from a prompt instead of letting the nonsense that permeates my brain flow out unchecked. Frankly, it was more difficult than I�d like. How am I to ever get that job at The Enquirer if I have to write honestly and forthrightly about what someone tells me to write about? Ah, there goes my dream down the crapper�

Prompt Thanks To: p-o-y.

Friendly secrets. Well they can be just great if you stay on good terms with the friends you have shared them with, right? But what happens when the friendship dies out or changes or there�s an argument the size of Mongolia? Are the secrets still kept between your friend and yourself? You�d like to think so.

I knew a woman I�ll call Betty who was the unequivocal queen of the best friend bring along. Betty�s life was so intertwined with her friend that I was fairly surprised every time I saw them that they had not yet called up Dr. Sewutogether to make their appointment to be surgically conjoined. Betty invited her friend in on everything she did, vacations, weekends, family functions. They told each other every detail of their past. They asked each other�s advice on the most minute decisions. Family members and other friends were able to see through the thick layer of smarm-o-charm the best friend was slathering about. As a result, virtually no one around Betty liked the best friend. The best friend was very aware she was not well received by the fam. And yet, still chose to tag along knowing she was unwanted. Who does that? Well, her I guess.

Though Betty (who had a family and a large extended family, which was chock full of secrets) shared everything with her best friend, her best friend had nothing to share. Actually, let me rephrase that, her best friend had nothing to lose by anything she shared and no one to be hurt should the secrets ever come out. So while Betty was busy letting her best friend in on all of her desires, foibles, secrets and by the simple process of having the best friend around all the time, her family�s secrets, the best friend was quietly tucking all of the information away. Like a squirrel with nuts. Or Bobby Brown with blunts.

One glorious day Betty realized how utterly obnoxious and horrible her best friend was. I believe this realization was precipitated by the night the best friend was insanely drunk at a family function, whipped out a .357 magnum from her car and waved it around in full view and detriment of everyone, including numerous children, including her own. What a total nut job. Yeah, I think that�s what did it. I would hope so. Sheesh.

The best friend was absolutely not ready to let this friendship go and, because she was a social moron, thought the best way to win Betty over once more was by spilling Betty�s secrets to anyone who would listen. And, who didn�t listen? Who doesn�t love secrets? Thankfully, it didn�t work. I mean, if it had, we would have had to seriously consider shipping Betty off to a nice padded room. Complete with daily self-esteem building visits from Dr. Phil.

So who is at fault here? Betty for being so open and trusting with every single speck of minutia of her life or the best friend for being such a shit as to use the information garnered throughout their friendship for evil?

It�s a shame when you feel you must temper your words and confessions because you feel someone might use them against you later.

Of course, it�s even more of a pisser when they do.

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Ebert And Roeper? Watch Your Backs. - Tuesday, Nov. 29, 2005
Coffee? Tea? Map? - Monday, Nov. 07, 2005

� Purplecigar

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