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Monday, May. 10, 2004 - 2:41 P.M.

Despite what this is going to sound like, this is not a �toot my own horn� entry. Although, if it was, I guess that�d be okay. Frankly, I don�t think people toot their own horns enough. Worried as they are about hurting others feelings and all. Which is not to say I advocate purposely hurting others feelings (not often anyway). I just think if you�ve done something good or something you are proud of you ought to be able to tell that to others without having to take the responsibility of how it makes them feel.

A rarity happened recently. Someone told me they admired me for something I did. Actually, something I didn�t do. The something is trivial and does not matter in the least. This is not about the something but rather someone saying they admired me regarding the something. Whew! Thanks for hanging in there for that last sentence. You�re the best.

Admired is a pretty strong word. I certainly don�t go around telling people I admire them for this or that. It�s not a word I throw around. In my opinion it�s a word reserved for few people. Like telling someone you love them. Oh, wait. Er, I�ve told one, two, three, four, fi--. That�s not important is it? Let�s move on.

People don�t tell you things like that often. In fact, compliments these days are scarce. Unless it�s your mom. Or your dad. Or a brownnoser. And none of those count. I don�t suppose I�d turn down a compliment from any of those people, but it still doesn�t count. Kind of like it doesn�t count if these same people tell you that you�re a great person. Or that the guy who dumped you was an idiot. Or that your kids are the most adorable kids they�ve ever seen. Or even that you are a complete bitch. (I�ll make it work either way, y�all. It�s what I do. It�s quite a talent.)

If someone does something good or great or admirable you should tell them that. There seems to be an idea that if you praise someone else for a job well done or a show of fine moral upstanding, it somehow makes you appear inferior. Quite the contrary in my book. To my way of thinking (arguably skewed), it shows you are secure enough with yourself and who you are to realize that you can offer kudos to someone else sincerely without losing anything (or, attempting to gain anything). Assuming you don�t do the backward compliment. As in, �I think you handled that really well. Of course, that�s not the way I would have done it. But for you, it was great.� If you throw out the backward compliment you show your lack of self-confidence by your need to knock and mock others. And you show the world that, without question, you are simply an ass when there may have been a small niggle of doubt about that fact before.

And don�t do the endless return compliment either. For example, if I had gone to this person and said, �Thanks so much for saying you admired my choice. That really meant a lot to me.� and it had stopped there then, okay. But what if this person came back to me and said, �Thanks for telling me my words meant a lot to you. I appreciated that.� Then I feel beholden to reciprocate again. It�s repetitive. Much like a (seemingly) never ending Survivor: All-Stars reunion show.

Ah well, that�s my two cents on a subject I�m sure no one cares much about but I felt the need to get that out of my system. Thanks, Microsoft Word, for indulging me. I�ll do something nice for you one day.

Like not curse you repeatedly the next time you perform an �illegal error.�

1 comments so far

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� Purplecigar

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