Thursday, May. 13, 2004 - 4:50 P.M.

I need to be a writer. As a profession. While this is most certainly not a new desire, it is a new need. I�ve come to this realization due to the following conversation of this morning:

Boss: I need you to print out the report for the blah de blah and it�s urgent. I�ve got yadda yadda coming for a meeting.

Me: Are you kidding me? I just got here! I am right now in the process of making rounds to all my Diaryland faves. Then I plan on writing my own entry. That takes time. I�ve got to do a draft and then proof it and proof it again. You can�t seriously expect me to stop drinking this coffee and reading Diaryland to do some silly report. Out of the question, Peckerhead.

As you can imagine, that�s not what I said but that�s how I heard it in my brain. That was the exact exchange. I have no time for the tomfoolery that is work. Not that I ever did. I mean, that part is nothing new. I need to be sitting by a dinky-creek, sipping a cool adult beverage, with a laptop on one leg and Brad Pitt licking oops, uh, ON, on the other.

You know those streams of vapor(?)/smoke(?)/exhaust fumes(?)/I�m too lazy to look it up that jets leave in their wake? Yesterday I saw one that was all crooked and broken and hacked-up. Who the hell was flying that plane? Nick Nolte? With co-pilot Bobby Brown?

When you were young and you went to visit your Nanny, Nana, Grammy, Grandma, etc. did she secretly give you money and tell you not to tell your parents? Because mine did it every time I visited. It was heaven for a kid. And, let me say this, if Nanny is handing out money and asking me not to tell because she has the sense to know it would be taken away from me if I did? Well then, no problem, Nanny. I�m your gal. My lips are as sealed shut as Britney Spears once claimed she was.

Now that I�m older though, I realize exactly what that money was for. In my case, it was for the slobbery kisses and pinching of the cheeks. I�ve thought about it and I�m not sure I racked up enough jack from Nanny considering the amount of slobber. Which was considerable.

And finally, a joke:

A state trooper had stopped a kid for speeding. Happy to have now made his monthly quota, he said to the kid, "I've been waiting for you all day."

The kid replied, "Yeah well, I got here as fast as I could."

You Give Me Fervor - Friday, Feb. 17, 2006
Revamped Sex Camp - Thursday, Jan. 26, 2006
I'm Not Dead - Tuesday, Jan. 10, 2006
Ebert And Roeper? Watch Your Backs. - Tuesday, Nov. 29, 2005
Coffee? Tea? Map? - Monday, Nov. 07, 2005

� Purplecigar

�

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