Wednesday, May. 26, 2004 - 12:42 P.M.

Have you ever met someone who you thought was just great and you�re all �here�s my email address� and �gimme your phone number� and then reality smacks you in the face like a kamikaze cicada?

Perhaps you were drunk and, while drunk, you perceived this person as the bees knees. Sober you find this person so boring you require a caffeine drip to be around them.

Maybe you bonded over the fact you were wearing the same dress to a wedding. Maybe you narrowed the field of losers at a party down to this one potentially cool person when, come to find out, this person should have been relegated to the loser pack as well. Maybe you commiserated together at a club or party over the lack of persons available for cheap, meaningless sex. (Is there a lack of persons available for that nowadays? I wouldn�t know. I only have expensive, meaningless sex. Wait a second...)

Whatever the reason, you now find yourself stuck with this person who has attached themselves to you like stink on shit. At first it was flattering but now it�s reached Fatal Attraction territory. In fact, there would be nary a surprised hair on your head if you came home one day to find your pet rabbit boiling in a pot on the stove. Assuming you had a rabbit.

This is a person who, whenever you open up your email, has sent you a message; whenever you check your voicemail, has called many, many times; and, whenever you sign onto AIM, quickly sends you an im stating, �Hi Buddy!� complete with smileys. (I�m a happy and well-adjusted person and still, I detest the smileys. It�s like they�re taunting me, all �Look at me! Look how happy I am! You are a loser! I can make my mouth big or small! My lips can be in the shape of an �O� or as if presenting them for a kiss! Can you do that! You can�t! I�m a smiley!�)

At some point, but maybe not yet, you will consider changing your name. You�ll certainly be exchanging AIM for Yahoo! Messenger. You will most definitely change your phone number. You might even move. Maybe to another state or country. Maybe Iraq. You�ll change your whole life around because of this one person. This one person you cannot stand to be around or hear from anymore. This one person who will make you go absolutely madcowdisease if you even hear their name uttered ever again.

Let that be a lesson to you. Don�t be friendly.

See where it gets you?

This entry has been brought to you today by Sesame Street. Who reminds, nay, implores you to never talk to strangers.

EDITED TO ADD: After 5 lovely people had read and commented on this entry, I realized I had typed the word "lessen" instead of the more appropriate "lesson" in the second to last paragraph. Is there a smiley with a gun to it's head? If so, picture it inserted here. And, if you know the lovely people who have commented, please explain to them I caught my mistake and am not a complete doofus. Thank ye.

You Give Me Fervor - Friday, Feb. 17, 2006
Revamped Sex Camp - Thursday, Jan. 26, 2006
I'm Not Dead - Tuesday, Jan. 10, 2006
Ebert And Roeper? Watch Your Backs. - Tuesday, Nov. 29, 2005
Coffee? Tea? Map? - Monday, Nov. 07, 2005

� Purplecigar

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