Wednesday, Jun. 02, 2004 - 5:12 P.M.

Our company doesn�t have an IT person. Actually, they think they have an IT person, and that person is yours truly. I don't think I've ever expressed this here before--I despise being called upon to fix computer issues. Although, given the choice, I�d take a hardware issue over a software issue every time. Although, you never get a choice, do you? All of that is neither here nor there as I could put all that I know about computers in the cap of a ball-point pen and I could place all that I know about networking on the tip of said pen.

Now, how I ever came to be the IT person here is beyond my comprehension. It is truly a case of the blind leading the blind or, more specifically, the technically challenged leading the grossly technically challenged. A word of advice. Or, if you work with me, consider this a word of caution. If you think you require my help on a certain computer issue, which is pointedly exhibited by the song and dance routine you�ve just given me about how you can�t simply make it one more second if this problem is not fixed, please do not:

(a) stand over me while I punch every button on the computer in an effort to appear like I know what I�m doing and in an effort to fix said problem;

(b) ask me what I�m doing;

(c) make �hmm-ing� and �huh-ing� noises;

(d) make any noise, period;

(e) eat Fritos and breathe on me;

(f) discount every solution I give you by vehemently stating reasons why they won�t work; and, finally,

(g) tell me to just forget it if you�ve made a huge production out of getting me to help you.

If you knew the solutions I proposed wouldn't work then you�d be the default IT person and you could have your own set of rules.

I ain�t Bill Gates is what I�m sayin�, y�all.

But, apparently, I�m the closest thing you�ve got. So next time, observe the above or I�ll purposely sabotage that joker. Then I�ll conveniently be out sick.

Probably with pharyngitis.

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� Purplecigar

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