Friday, Jun. 04, 2004 - 12:49 P.M.

So last night I was lying in bed doped up on a muscle relaxer due to my increasingly severe apparent carpal tunnel syndrome (seriously, it�s reached critical mass) and I came across VH1�s �100 Most Metal Moments.� I was a child of the 80�s and I love me some hair bands and metal music, so I was in like Flynn. Most of the snippets of information and factoids were news to me and also were extremely entertaining. Of course, it could�ve just been the Lortab. Let's see.

Did you know that:

--John Bonham of Led Zeppelin once shat in a young woman�s shoe? Seems poor John just wanted to hang out and watch some tele but the noise emanating from the next room where his road manager was gettin� it on with an unknown groupie, was well, too noisy. So John exacted his revenge in her stilettos. That�s the way to show her, John! It backfired though, she was ecstatic about it. Figures. Eh, groupies.

--the hard rock classic �In A Gadda Da Vida� by Iron Butterfly was born from the attempt of one of it�s members to say �in the garden of Eden� while grossly intoxicated? Gee, how come �Githe Helouta Miwy, Bich� hasn�t become a hit? Snoop, are you listening? Jay-Z?

--in the 1970�s Steven Tyler of Aerosmith convinced the parents of a 14 year old girl, a groupie of the band, to allow him to become her legal guardian so they could have sex? Steven clearly possesses otherworldly powers of persuasion. Hence, the American record buying public making �I Don�t Want To Miss A Thing� a hit.

This show got me to thinking about my youth. I remembered how I loved and lapped-up every Judy Blume book. I learned all that I knew about �that time of the month� from Are You There God? It�s Me, Margaret. I learned all that I knew at the time about sex from Forever. Both of these books were contraband at our school so we had to secretly pass them back and forth. Once safely in your possession, you�d quickly hide them in the back of your underwear drawer. With your other soft-core porn. Good times.

Remember Pop Rocks? More specifically, Pop Rocks and Coke taken together? There was a rumor that Mikey from the Life cereal commercials died from that combo and I was so scared of the same thing happening to me, I turned over my Pop Rocks to my older brother. Of course he quickly held me down and poured them down my throat followed with a Coke chaser. Obviously, I didn�t die so eat and drink up kids!

I crushed incredihard on Rick Springfield. Dude, I didn�t know who Jesse�s girl was, but I knew she was damn lucky. And also stupid. Dump the loser you�re with, girl! Rick wants to give you some of his Red Hot + Blue Love.

Like, the 80�s were so grody to the max. Totally.

You Give Me Fervor - Friday, Feb. 17, 2006
Revamped Sex Camp - Thursday, Jan. 26, 2006
I'm Not Dead - Tuesday, Jan. 10, 2006
Ebert And Roeper? Watch Your Backs. - Tuesday, Nov. 29, 2005
Coffee? Tea? Map? - Monday, Nov. 07, 2005

� Purplecigar

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