Friday, Jun. 25, 2004 - 10:58 A.M.

Recently, my cable company has endeared itself to me like nobody�s business. I have digital cable through Comcast. I�ve seen some entries on DiaryLand and heard scuttlebutt calling out Comcast as the devil incarnate. Listen, Comcast may in fact hold their corporate meetings by the light of a quarter-moon, dancing around a bonfire made of old cable-boxes while wearing severed chicken feet on their heads and chanting �down with satellite,� but they got this one thing right.

On Demand is my new bestest friend. You see, I am a documentary addict. Documentaries and crime/airplane crash/sinking ship/pick your disaster re-enactments. I love �em. And now, thanks to On Demand, I can watch them and lots of movies and porn whenever I want. Without having to wait for those things to come on regular television. I mean, look people, when you need to see the soft-corn porn classic, Skinamax�s Paradise Cove, you need to see it. Don�t let anyone ever take away your basic right to porn. Is that in the constitution? No? Then we should definitely put that on the November ballot as an Amendment. Call your Congressperson now.

On Demand is basically a database of movies and television shows you can select from and watch at your leisure. You can pause the show to grab a snack, stop the show to run to the restroom (if you are my husband mere pausing won't do) and fast forward (thankfully, this also means you can fast forward through the commercials). It�s much like TiVo except you can�t record your own selections to the database. Yet.

Apparently they�re also working on having new theatrical movie releases available as well. That way, when that cinematic masterpiece Gigli was released, you could�ve seen it on the sly, in your own home, the first day it came out! No one would be the wiser. Well, except for Comcast employees who will probably snicker when they see that title on your bill. So you should also pay to watch, like, Fast Cars And Faster Women 4 or Die Hard to counteract.

I�m telling you something, technology rocks the house. I know many of you, like me, assumed that by now we�d all have flying cars, � la The Jetson�s. That said flying cars have not yet been invented (or have they?) is certainly a disappointment. I had hoped to be zipping around in my new �04 AeroRover by now. I even had my color and interior all picked out. But, maybe it�s for the best. Maybe by the time they flying cars are actually developed, automakers will have designed a cup holder that actually holds Diet Cherry Coke in a bottle. Can put a man on the moon but can�t create a universal cup holder. Ok, so technology sometimes rocks.

Just in my time on earth, however, the things that have been developed, created, grown, altered or improved boggle the mind. And some scare the soul. The whole cloning thing seems to be against nature. I can�t get onboard with it. And genetic altering. Hello, Labradoodle anyone? Now why would you need to create that breed of dog? A yappy Frisbee catcher. Way to go scientists!

What�s next? A Tasmaskunk? Ill-tempered and spraying stink everywhere?

Oh, wait a second. We have that already. Hello Mickey Rourke!

You Give Me Fervor - Friday, Feb. 17, 2006
Revamped Sex Camp - Thursday, Jan. 26, 2006
I'm Not Dead - Tuesday, Jan. 10, 2006
Ebert And Roeper? Watch Your Backs. - Tuesday, Nov. 29, 2005
Coffee? Tea? Map? - Monday, Nov. 07, 2005

� Purplecigar

�

�

previous - next