Tuesday, Jun. 29, 2004 - 1:07 P.M.

In light of the email my �Cars For All The Boys And Girls� entry spawned, I though it�d be fitting to do an entry regarding bathroom issues relating to men and women. I�ll try not to get too graphic or descriptive with wording, but frankly? It�s the bathroom we�re talkin� about, so�

The obvious starting point for the women�s bathroom is the number of toilets. I�m unsure of the reason but you can be sure that at any concert hall, football arena, movie theatre or other large gathering of people, the line for the women�s restroom will extend far further than the men�s. Do women pee more than men? Are we more cognizant of a full bladder feeling? Is it because we go in pairs? Do we think we�re boarding the Ark?

Men on the other hand just jaunt right on in there and do their thing. Out in a jiff. �Course, ladies, I guess if we all we had to do was belly up to the uri and free the beast, we�d be quicker as well. And speaking of standing up to pee, there are men who actually squat to pee. It�s true! I�ve taken an unofficial survey. Oh, they might not admit it to you but they exist all right. I�ll bet that makes it harder to write your name in the snow though. Yeah, like I don�t know that already. Anyhoo, moving on.

Things could be evened up a bit if the men would hold any necessary bowel movement until it was time for us gals to hit the restroom. That way, he�d be finishing up about the time we were. I have never known a man that didn�t spend a lot of time in the bathroom while having a bm. What�s that about? Among other possibilities, it�s obviously where you guys catch up on your reading. And, barring the availability of Penthouse Forum, you guys will read some really weird stuff in there. Maps, instructions; stuff you�d never read elsewhere. It�s bizarre.

My husband is the same way as he must have something to read when he visits the �library.� If he can�t find a magazine or book to his liking, he�ll read the back of the toothpaste tube or a deodorant container. He simply must read at this time. I mean this is a man who wouldn�t read the time off a clock but put him on the toilet and he�s Ready Readerson (copyright andclint). He says it�s the only place he�s alone (i.e., no children), so he wants to spend as much time as possible in there. Personally I could think of a little less, shall we say, odoriferous place to spend my time. Like the landfill.

Which brings me to my next point. Guys? Entirely too much time is spent shitting. Perhaps there�s a reason �toil� is the root word of �toilet,� but still� I propose to remedy this problem by the following method: at the end of three minutes an alarm will sound, the toilet paper roll will retract into a locked position, a (very) aromatic deodorizing mist will fall from the ceiling and the bathroom door will open.

What do you think? I think it has potential.

You Give Me Fervor - Friday, Feb. 17, 2006
Revamped Sex Camp - Thursday, Jan. 26, 2006
I'm Not Dead - Tuesday, Jan. 10, 2006
Ebert And Roeper? Watch Your Backs. - Tuesday, Nov. 29, 2005
Coffee? Tea? Map? - Monday, Nov. 07, 2005

� Purplecigar

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