Thursday, Aug. 26, 2004 - 10:14 A.M.

Men: You probably aren�t going to like this entry very much. It�s very goily.

It�s not an exaggeration to say that when I�m with my oldest son (who will be 15 in September) and someone hears me call him �son,� they marvel. This happens a lot. Most folks think I�m his sister. A few have even gone so far as to assume I was his girlfriend. Ewwww. And, as odd as that made me feel, can you imagine how it made him feel? Yech. �You don�t look old enough to have a son his age!� they�ll say or, the more blunt and cut-to-the-chase, �Were you a teenager when you had him?� It�s a very nice compliment when people tell you that you don�t look your age and one that I lap up because I know in 10 years I�ll be dying for someone to tell me that. Hell, maybe even in six months the way things are going right now.

Sometimes people ask me what my secret is. They want to know what it is I�ve done to be wrinkle-and-crows-feet free in my mid-30�s. I never have an answer for them because the truth is frankly just too embarrassing. Oh sure, I�ll toss out �lots of water!� or �moisturizer every night!� and though neither of those actually speed the aging process along, they aren�t the real answer. I�m going to spill it right now for all you fine people: Oil. Oily skin. That�s the big secret.

I have perhaps the oiliest skin on the planet. Oilier than a penguin in Alaska after the Exxon Valdez passed through. Oilier than a Picasso. Oilier than Mickey Rourke after a three day drunk. I�m very self-conscious about it. I hate being �shiny.� I wipe my face with a tissue many times a day to keep it under control. Some of you may be wondering �why a tissue and not the blotting papers?� - y�all my face laughs at the blotting papers. The blotting papers are my face�s bitch.

I�ve been told that women with oily skin don�t show wrinkles or age as quickly as our more normal and dryer skin counterparts. Apparently, I won�t look like a grown-up until I�m 55. I ain�t knocking it though. I mean, it beats the shit out of looking like a sun-dried Shar Pei or an arid old prune. But, you know, it�s kind of disconcerting when you answer your door at home and the 16-year old kid selling magazines asks if your mother is around. Or when you have to go to the ER with your child and the nurse asks who is responsible for the bill and you say, �I am� and she's like, �No, really, Pumpkin. Who�s paying this bill?�

For my entire adult life, ever since I was old enough to care about such things, I�ve been on the hunt for makeup and skin care products that control the oil. I�ve tried tons of products; soaps, toners, creams, Luxiva (from Merle Norman), Sheer Matness (from Clinique), Burdock Root (from Bath & Body Works), Eye-of-Newt (from The Witch Down The Street). Nothing has worked to my satisfaction. Ladies, if you have any suggestions would you please let me know what they are? Before my face slides right off my head?

We thank you.

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Coffee? Tea? Map? - Monday, Nov. 07, 2005

� Purplecigar

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