Tuesday, Sept. 14, 2004 - 11:17 A.M.

I�ve got a case of dick envy. Please allow me to elaborate.

Whenever you want to specify (or, in this example, not specify) just any old body, what do you say? �Every Tom, Dick and Harry.� Dick is all at once an everybody and a nobody.

What is a private eye called? A Dick. (Now, they could�ve altered �detective� many ways. They chose Dick. Dick was the best alteration. Dick.)

One of the greatest novels of all time? Moby Dick. (Surely, someone has copped that as a porn name. I think maybe he was Long Dong Silver�s sidekick.)

When someone�s being less than honest you say they are a �Tricky Dick.� (Ladies, I think we can all agree we�ve seen our share of more than a few tricky dicks.)

What is my ex-husband? A Dick. Er, sorry. Let�s continue.

What set of reading primer books did you read when you were a child? Dick and Jane.

Someone says, �American Bandstand� and you think, �Dick Clark.� (Or, you know, someone says �mummy� and you think about him too, I guess.)

Test developed to gauge one�s susceptibility to scarlet fever? Dick Test. (Which, I know, sounds like an entirely different kind of test.)

Candidate for greatest name ever? Dick Trickle. (Yes, it�s a real name. Google it! Granted, it�s the name of a NASCAR driver. In kind of an odd way, that makes perfect sense to me.)

Those are just some examples. The slang word for the male genitalia is used in conversation every day. Obviously, most of the time, it�s not meant as a slang word for the male genitalia (except in the case of my ex-husband. What? You don�t know him.). However, it appears we are all surrounded by dicks. People, there�s even a web site devoted entirely to famous dicks. What to make of this? And, why is �dick� slang for penis anyway?

Unlike �dick,� slang words for the female genitalia simply aren�t acceptable to use in everyday conversation. And? If you�re using the slang words for female genitalia in everyday convo? Go right now and wash your mouth out with soap. You kiss your momma with that mouth?

I want a slang word for my private parts I can throw out there whenever I feel like it. Like, Daisy or Shaz or Grix or something. �Quit being such a Grix!�

That�s it. I�m starting a movement.

P.S. Remember, you don�t have to be a Richard to be a Dick.

You Give Me Fervor - Friday, Feb. 17, 2006
Revamped Sex Camp - Thursday, Jan. 26, 2006
I'm Not Dead - Tuesday, Jan. 10, 2006
Ebert And Roeper? Watch Your Backs. - Tuesday, Nov. 29, 2005
Coffee? Tea? Map? - Monday, Nov. 07, 2005

� Purplecigar

�

�

previous - next