Monday, Sept. 27, 2004 - 12:55 P.M.

I have AIM Instant Messenger. I use it at work but not for work. Some days I show great restraint by not even signing on. But lest you think I�m going about my day freely using AIM unbeknownst to my employers and, consequently, unpunished for such usage, let me assure you this is not the case. I am, in fact, being punished for my AIM usage. Thoroughly.

I�ll sign on to AIM in the morning and then go about my morning routine of coffee, reading e-mail, reading updated diaries of my faves, surfing other DiaryLand entries, possibly working on my own entry, which leads into my mid-morning routine of Diet Cherry Coke, chips, surfing the Internet and possibly working on an entry, which then leads to lunch, and finally into the afternoon routine of well� you get the routine, right? At different points during the day, I may or may not IM someone or be IM�d by someone. Of course, if I am IM�d it would be very rude not to respond, would it not?

One particular day I was alerted that my son had just signed on. Very intriguing. My son was currently in Florida and unable to be online. Unless they now had internet access on a sandbar (which would rule by the way). I sent �my son� an Instant Message along the lines of �Hello?! Where are you?� Which was met with �Who is this?� As you can imagine, this was not the correct response. The messaging went on and on back and forth with this person insisting they were my son. It soon became obvious that though I didn�t know who they were, I knew who they weren�t. At this point my son�s girlfriend fessed-up that she was using his screen name. Obviously this meant she knew his password.

I gave her (and, later, my son) a lecture about how she should not be using his screen name and that being how rumors get started (� they�re started by the jealous people � shout out to Club Nouveau!) and she should not know his password or ever share her own, etc. and more various incredibly adult admonitions and advice that even impressed me with its sagacity. I asked her to please sign off immediately and she did. However, now because she knew my screen name, she IM�d me to tell me how sorry she was blah blah blah shouldn�thavebeendoingitinthefirstplace cakes. Apparently she then told my screen name to all of her and my son�s friends. That is where my punishment began and continues to this day. I can no longer sign onto AIM without getting bombarded with IM�s from her and her friends. All complete with cute little hellos and Smileys.

The na�vet� of these kids is staggering. Almost as staggering as their frequent usage of exclamation points and their poor spelling. I try to get rid of them by saying things that create a sense of urgency. I said I had to go into a meeting with my boss. They said, �Ok! We�ll talk lator! Have fun at ur meting!� Fun? At a meeting? With my boss? Lator? I said I had to go unstop a toilet (sadly, not a lie). They said, �L8! Hope u hav a great day!� Oh, yes. Why, if your definition of �great day� is plunging shit, it will indeed be fab. Like no other day that has gone before it. Really. I said there was a tornado and I had to run for cover (again, no shit). You know what advice the youth of today imparted? �Ok. Stay breezy! L8 Gator! Get under somthing heavy!� Beautiful.

My friends, I am scared for our golden years; frightened for the twilight of our lives.

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Ebert And Roeper? Watch Your Backs. - Tuesday, Nov. 29, 2005
Coffee? Tea? Map? - Monday, Nov. 07, 2005

� Purplecigar

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