Tuesday, Dec. 07, 2004 - 12:51 P.M.

There�s probably more than one website where you can create a �virtual model� of yourself though I chose to go through My Virtual Model. Why would one want a virtual model of oneself? Well, it enables you to �virtually� try on clothing. Most people might think that�s a pretty cool feature and it is, of course. Especially if you�re like me and you share my complete and total aversion to actually trying on clothes. For real like. In a dressing room with horrid fluorescent lighting. Fluorescent lighting = of the Devil. Admittedly, it�s a fairly long and drawn out process to sign-up, create your model and then arrive at the spot on a particular retailer�s website where you can use your virtual model to try the clothing on. Which is not good at all if you�re me.

I�ve found that the older I get the more my patience level wanes. On a good day, I do not suffer fools lightly and I flat out will not suffer them at all on a bad day. Lately, all there seem to be are bad ones. For instance, there�s a lady, the cashier, at the convenience store I frequent in the mornings who pleasantly chats with most of the customers as she rings them up. I have three things to say about this: 1. Please hurry up. 2. Don�t engage me in conversation. 3. Move it along already. Bitchy? Most definitely. I just don�t have the patience to stand there and listen to a conversation or to talk and exchange pleasantries. I know, I know, that�s terrible! I live in the South the supposed epicenter of hospitality. You�d think I�d be a better representative.

By way of another example, let�s say I want to make some copies. Our copy machine is a little dated and the button you must push to start the copying process has been totally battered and mistreated. I�m sure I do not know how. Sometimes you have to push the button several times to make it start. If that machine does not start the minute I press that button do you know what I do? Walk downstairs and use the other copy machine. True, we aren�t talking about 17 miles of corridor as exists in the Pentagon, still, I�d rather go to a whole other floor than bother with that stupid button. You know why? Because if that button doesn�t work the next time I press it I�ll start selling off hits to it with a sledgehammer. For free.

My lack of patience is a definite character flaw but it�s one of so many it�s certainly not lacking for company. I�m not like that at all with my husband or children. I�ve been complimented more than once on how patient I am with my children. Strangers and inanimate objects, they incur the wrath.

Back to the virtual model - They have clothing they call �the collection� right on their site you can try on as well. But these clothes? Not so attractive. I present to you, �me� in some butt-ugly clothes from �the collection�:

How �bout that ensemble, eh? Sweeeet.

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� Purplecigar

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