Monday, Mar. 07, 2005 - 1:18 P.M.

Today while driving to work an interesting question was posed by some local morning disc jockeys. �If you were to become famous, what dirt would the tabloids dig up on you?�

Before the National Enquirer wastes any money paying a friend for my dirt, I�ll come clean---I have defiled the Capitol building of Nashville. There I said it. Whew. What a load off.

Once at a joint bachelor/bachelorette party, men and women were pitted against each other during a scavenger hunt. Now, I love men. I love, in particular, my man who was on the opposing team. As was my son. But to let the men, in particular, my men, beat us ladies would have been disastrous. The men I live with? While they aren�t actually misogynistic they are quite fond of seeing how riled up they can get me by simply pretending to be so. We gals knew we had to win at all costs. Also, it went against my (somewhat) feministic nature to use sex appeal, feminine wiles, batted eyelashes, partial nudity, and whatever else might have been called for to get what we needed, but this was war and, as I said, the men could. not. win.

Down south we have a little thing called �iced sweet tea.� Runs through you like hot coffee through a cold duck. Though I needed a restroom a stop would have taken time and we were on a mission here, so while the gals were attempting to acquire a much needed quote off of a statue of Andrew Jackson and his horse, I�m squatting right beside said statue and BAM! spotlight on me. 5-0! 5-0! The fuzz! Remember those things I spoke of above? The feminine wiles and partial nudity, et al? Some of those things were employed here to get us out of this situation.

Anyhow, I guess you could say I defiled not only the Capitol building but Andrew Jackson and his trusty steed as well. Which, if you think about it, requires considerable talent. I sure hope when my fame and fortune arrives the tabloids get that straight.

Having said the foregoing, just so you all don�t think I�m so boring that the fact that I peed on the Capitol building is my big life secret, I also got busted doing donuts in a church parking lot, got into a girlfight in a McDonalds, blacked out from drinking too much tequila and stole a car once. Of course, all those were when I was a teenager. The peeing thing? Like, just. happened.

Woohoo! I am badass!

You Give Me Fervor - Friday, Feb. 17, 2006
Revamped Sex Camp - Thursday, Jan. 26, 2006
I'm Not Dead - Tuesday, Jan. 10, 2006
Ebert And Roeper? Watch Your Backs. - Tuesday, Nov. 29, 2005
Coffee? Tea? Map? - Monday, Nov. 07, 2005

� Purplecigar

�

�

previous - next