Tuesday, Mar. 22, 2005 - 9:16 A.M.

I used to work for a man who called me �Sharon� for the first three months of my employ. And while �Sharon� is a fine name, and �Sharon� does rhyme with my name, it is not my actual name. This was a problem because it took me a good two weeks to cotton-on to the fact that when he called out �Sharon� he was really calling for me. I must�ve appeared either drugged or stupid or both since every time he requested me, I�d be all, �oh, he�s not asking after me tra la la� when all the while he�d be looking right at me and most likely wondering what the hell I was doing not only not responding at all, but in fact, ignoring him. With respect to my DiaryLand name, I don�t believe I could mistake someone calling out �purplecigar� unless I was maybe at a porn convention or the adult film industry�s equivalent of the Academy Awards.

Some folks have asked from time-to-time (a) why I chose the name purplecigar; (b) where the name came from; and (c) does it have any significance at all? The answers are (a) see below; (b) the far reaches of my brain�but it was longer to begin with (the name, not my brain); and (c) none.

When I signed up on DiaryLand, I knew nothing of it save for a couple of diaries I read religiously. Those diaries inspired me to start my own online diary and I spent weeks thinking of just the perfect name. I never bothered to check DiaryLand stipulations on how many letters it could be or whether it could contain numbers, can there be spaces between the words, etc. The original title of my diary was to be Thirty-Two Balloons and a Purple Cigar. Once that was decided, I had to come up with a catchy little name for myself. Then I had to fill out my profile in such a way as to be quirky and unique and cool yet not weird and off-putting and dorkish. Only you know if I succeeded. Bottom line, I fairly tortured myself throughout this process.

If you are on DiaryLand, you know that the original name did not work because it was far too long and you can�t have spaces between words and blah blah rulesandregulationscakes. In my excitement and haste to get onto DiaryLand and post post post! I just shortened it to �purplecigar� thinking I�d go back and change it later. Except that you can�t go back and change it later. Or, if you can, I sure haven�t figured out yet how to do so.

Anyhow, I now know that when you hear the words �purple cigar� uttered, it is ten times out of ten not referring to me but rather is being used as a euphemism for penis. It is unfortunate that I had never heard of this euphemism and I surely wish I�d known about it before I went and tagged myself "purplecigar" for posterity. Which kind of sounds like a charity, actually.

So there it is. Wonder no more.

I mean, I know it was keeping you up nights.

You Give Me Fervor - Friday, Feb. 17, 2006
Revamped Sex Camp - Thursday, Jan. 26, 2006
I'm Not Dead - Tuesday, Jan. 10, 2006
Ebert And Roeper? Watch Your Backs. - Tuesday, Nov. 29, 2005
Coffee? Tea? Map? - Monday, Nov. 07, 2005

� Purplecigar

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