Tuesday, Apr. 12, 2005 - 12:44 P.M.

I am ancient.

My day starts at 5:45 a.m. and I pretty much have to be in bed by 10:00. If I don’t get at least seven hours of sleep a night, I’m as useless as a condom would currently be to Britney Spears. Allegedly.

In my younger days, of course, I could cruise through the day on about three hours sleep and those three hours would have been preceded by heavy drinking, intake of massive quantities of food, and possibly a little somethin’-somethin’ with a boy. Allegedly. Or not.

I have a friend whose normal bedtime is 3:00 a.m. pretty much every night. 3:00 a.m.! Do what? I asked her once just what it is she does with this time. You know what she said? “Uh, well…I…um….okay, I….er…” That’s right, when pressed about what she does during all this extra time she couldn’t come up with an answer. Do you have any idea how much stuff I could get done if I could stay awake until 3:00 in the morning? I could clean out that pantry* I’ve eyed every single weekend for two years though quickly (and repeatedly) looked away from. I could purge my closet of clothing that even self-proclaimed hippie Drew Barrymore would scoff at. I could vacuum! Clean the cat box! Run the dishwasher! Read a book! Write a book! There wouldn’t even be a need to worry about the noise, number one son once slept through a hurricane. While in a trailer! (That’s a mobile/modular home for you non-white trash folk. Which is not to imply that living in a trailer makes you white trash. Er, you know what? I feel I am digging myself in deeper…let’s move on.)

So there I was being more than envious of the fact that while I’m dozing away my friend is getting all sorts of things done. While I’m laying there doing nothing at all she’s accomplishing all manner of things--getting a jump on the day! the weekend!

I must tell you, I was happier than I should have been to find out that she was simply slacking and not “getting ahead” of me in any way. Catty I know.

But then, old people can be so pissy.

*Incidentally, I initially typed “panty” instead of “pantry” and posted this bad boy. Which means that somewhere there are a couple of people who read this entry and thought, “No shit she looked away from them! They must be some seriously cruddy underwear. She’s so gross!”

You know, it’s a good thing we don’t have message boards here on DairyLand because I can’t imagine the rumor that would start.

You Give Me Fervor - Friday, Feb. 17, 2006
Revamped Sex Camp - Thursday, Jan. 26, 2006
I'm Not Dead - Tuesday, Jan. 10, 2006
Ebert And Roeper? Watch Your Backs. - Tuesday, Nov. 29, 2005
Coffee? Tea? Map? - Monday, Nov. 07, 2005

© Purplecigar

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