Tuesday, Apr. 19, 2005 - 4:13 P.M.

Tonight at dinner, impress your friends and/or family.*

“Clans of long ago that wanted to get rid of their unwanted people without killing them used to burn their houses down-hence the expression ‘to get fired’.”-----Presumably, since they weren’t trying to kill the unwanted just destroy every single thing they owned, the people were not in their houses at the time. How very kind of the clan! Now, I’ve got a couple of co-workers…

“The phrase ‘rule of thumb’ is derived from an old English law which stated that you couldn’t beat your wife with anything wider than your thumb”-----And the phrase ‘pencil dick’ is derived from said wife’s discussion of her husband’s endowment at the local quilting bee.

“More people are killed annually by donkeys than die in air crashes.”-----Perhaps that standby phrase meant to make the aviophobic among us feel better (i.e., “More people die in car crashes than plane crashes”) should be revised.

“In Breton, Alabama, there is a law on the town’s books against riding down the street in a motorboat.”-----But not, apparently, against putting one up on blocks in your front yard right next to your old cast iron bathtub and 11 spare tires.

“A blue whale’s tongue weighs more than an elephant.”-----I think we all know what that means. Somewhere in the deep blue sea there are some very happy female whales.

“It’s physically impossible for you to lick your elbow.”-----And I should know, I just spent a good ten minutes giving it a shot. I wish I were making that up. Go ahead, you try it.

“The electric chair was invented by a dentist.”-----Fitting, no?

*Source: A Book For The Bog: Strong, Absorbent Trivia For The Toilet--Mad Moose Press

You Give Me Fervor - Friday, Feb. 17, 2006
Revamped Sex Camp - Thursday, Jan. 26, 2006
I'm Not Dead - Tuesday, Jan. 10, 2006
Ebert And Roeper? Watch Your Backs. - Tuesday, Nov. 29, 2005
Coffee? Tea? Map? - Monday, Nov. 07, 2005

© Purplecigar

previous - next