Friday, Apr. 22, 2005 - 4:08 P.M.

Years ago a friend was telling me about a store she had visited that sold shoes and cheese. Together. In the same store. I couldn�t believe such a place existed. This gal traveled all the time and it never occurred to me to ask her where she had seen such a place; I just assumed it was some far away land, ripe with other establishments of such curiously unmatched items. Like, say, California. Imagine my horror (not surprise, mind you) when I discovered this store she spoke of exists in my own state. I mean, it�s less than 30 miles from my house. Walker�s Shoes & Cheese in Smithville, Tennessee. Perchance some of you might want to make a run to the fine state of Tennessee and grab yourself a wheel of brie and some flip-flops?

Tennessee should get a new motto: The Scandinavia of the South. After all, a short Internet search shows that apparently shoe making and cheese making go together in Scandinavia like Paris Hilton and night vision videocams. I mean, we are known as the Athens of the South because we have a replica of The Parthenon but our state tourism board should rethink that.

Today I read of an atrocity almost as bad. Something so heinous that I could not believe my eyes and had to go back and read the description again to be sure I had read it correctly. I know when I tell you of this crime against both a sweet, gel-like substance with unexplainable powers of preservation and gooey, wonderful melty chocolate, you will agree that somewhere there is an executive who had an idea and said executive shall have no statue built in his honor in the Village Of Candy And All Things Delicious that children will dance around, but, instead, should be stoned, flogged and dragged behind the Gum Drop Express Of Confectionery. Ready?

Muddy Bears. OH. OHHHH. It�s almost too horrible to even write (er, type).

For those who have never heard of such, Muddy Bears are Gummi Bears that have been subjected to death by drowning in a vat of chocolate. EW! I know it. Blech. Unbelievably, just as I am typing this, I�ve learned of the existence of chocolate covered potato chips and (arriving soon) chocolate covered pork rinds! Listen, take any one of those things on their own and you�ve got a scrumptious snack (well, except for the pork rinds--ick). Deliciousness ensues! But never the twain shall meet, people! Never, ever!

So, yeah. Muddy Bears? I�ve never seen them. Do you all have them where you are? Are they as gross as they sound or are they your favorite snack? Anyone ever had chocolate covered potato chips? Pork rinds?

I do not know why must we constantly marry things that have no logical link or why we constantly tinker and muck around with things that are fine as they are. Gummi bears? Yes. Muddy bears? No. Chocolate covered pork rinds? Come ON!

There is something wrong when chocolate cannot stand on its own merit.

You Give Me Fervor - Friday, Feb. 17, 2006
Revamped Sex Camp - Thursday, Jan. 26, 2006
I'm Not Dead - Tuesday, Jan. 10, 2006
Ebert And Roeper? Watch Your Backs. - Tuesday, Nov. 29, 2005
Coffee? Tea? Map? - Monday, Nov. 07, 2005

� Purplecigar

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