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Wednesday, Jun. 08, 2005 - 3:22 P.M.

There are many things to love about a man�s body. Speaking only for myself: the way his forearms look in ordinary white dress shirt with the sleeves rolled up; the way a run-of-the-mill grey t-shirt and beat-up pair of jeans can make his bare feet look sexy; the shape of his calves; the broadness of his chest; the six-pack abs. Some men have none of this working for them and are just made implausibly hot by their wit and charm. Some men are born perfect (Brad Pitt) and some possibly should have stewed a while longer (Mickey Rourke). To me, and maybe to you, unless you�re male, and still maybe even then, no amount of window dressing/creative shaving techniques/hotness of face/greatness of spirit can make a man�s scrotum attractive. No amount.

Friday, while traveling the interstate, I�m driving beside this semi-truck and notice that hanging from the bottom step the driver would use to climb into the cab is a silver scrotum. There�s no way it could have been mistaken for anything else. It was a silver (plated, solid?) scrotum, people AND it was not life-size, it was bigger AND it was extremely detailed.

In all the romance novels, short stories and/or magazine articles I�ve read and in all the girl talk I�ve been privy to, I don�t believe I�ve ever read or heard a woman say, �Man, his scrotum is so sexy. It turns me on.� Trust me, you won�t even hear that on Skinemax porn, or hardcore porn either for that matter. Scrotums? Are decidedly unsexy. They are the very antithesis of fetching.

I�ve been around the block a few times. I�ve had a little coffee here, a great strudel there and the best damn shortcake I ever had over yon (these food items being used as euphemisms for sex for those of you slow on the uptake). Still, I, nor any woman I�ve ever known, have been compelled to extol the beauty of the scrotum. Because there is none.

Now, clearly the scrotum has its purpose, being necessary as it is for procreation. But so are ovaries, which are located on the inside of the body, out of sight. And do you know why the ovaries are on the inside of a woman�s body? Well that�s a question for God but I�m betting it�s because God took one look at �em and said, �Hmm...better to put these on the inside.�

On the other hand, I feel God was in a full-on quandary about the scrotum. He knew the testicles needed to hang away from the body and its heat but He also knew the scrotum was highly unappealing. Deciding on a course of action, perhaps God put the scrotum where He did and sent Adam off with a �Good luck, brother.�

So back to the semi-truck driver with the silver scrotum dangling from his steps�either this man had his own scrotum cast and then somehow proudly had it made into a larger than reality, suspended automobile adornment or he proudly bought some random scrotum for ornamentation.

Honestly? I�m not sure which one squicks me out the most.


P.S. I believe I�ve just set the record for the word �scrotum� in one entry.

14 comments so far

You Give Me Fervor - Friday, Feb. 17, 2006
Revamped Sex Camp - Thursday, Jan. 26, 2006
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Ebert And Roeper? Watch Your Backs. - Tuesday, Nov. 29, 2005
Coffee? Tea? Map? - Monday, Nov. 07, 2005

� Purplecigar

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