Tuesday, Aug. 09, 2005 - 2:55 P.M.

Today I was behind a Batesville Casket Company truck. On the back of the truck right beside the company logo were the words, “Please Drive Safely.”

A case could be made that, to see those words on a sign on the side of the highway is one thing; to see them on the back of a casket company truck gives them a little extra punch. Of course, being that they are a casket company wouldn’t they want to amp up their business? Like, why not have the back of the truck say, “Hey you! Follow too closely. Tailgate. Drive very fast. Drink! Be merry. And, have your family give us a call.”

Anyhow, this got me to thinking about a couple of other slogans I see daily. Sitting at the stop light where I exit the interstate is a nudie bar -- Déjà vu. If you have a Déjà vu in your area, you know what I’m about to say. Their slogan? “1000’s Of Beautiful Girls And 3 Ugly Ones.” Man, don’t you know those three gals have some serious self-esteem issues? And that’s assuming those three even know they are the three. I mean, what if they don’t? What if they are totally oblivious and altogether pitying some other girls? “Awww. Poor Star Skank. No idea she’s one of the ugly ones. It’s hard to be me and so beautiful. (Sigh)”

Also, every day I pass a billboard for Tequila Reef brand tequila. Tequila Reef’s slogan is--

The billboard shows nothing but a picture of the bottle and those words. Those six words sum up the tequila experience pretty succinctly, I think. Actually, in my case, they’d need to tack on “PUKE IT.” Cause one time, ONE time, I got waaay too drunk on tequila and now the mere smell of it will make me nauseous. In fact, this paragraph is pretty much chucking me over the edge.

I’ve decided I want my own slogan and since I’m too lazy to do the thinking for myself, I’m going to just change around a few popular taglines to my liking:

---I Can’t Believe It’s Not Better.

---Got Beer?

---There are some things your money can't buy. For everything else, there's his Mastercard.

I know that last one’s pretty long but I really think I could get it on the side of a semi.

Maybe I’ll just steal “Lick it. Slam it. Suck it.”

I mean, it is a pretty good one.

You Give Me Fervor - Friday, Feb. 17, 2006
Revamped Sex Camp - Thursday, Jan. 26, 2006
I'm Not Dead - Tuesday, Jan. 10, 2006
Ebert And Roeper? Watch Your Backs. - Tuesday, Nov. 29, 2005
Coffee? Tea? Map? - Monday, Nov. 07, 2005

© Purplecigar

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