Thursday, Jan. 26, 2006 - 3:28 P.M.
Sex Camp, the game. Here’s the gist: Each night of the week is a differently themed date night. Schedule your ideal celebrity dates each night with one back-up date in case your first choice is unavailable (due to an arrest, bad hair day, botched cosmetic surgery, or purported kidnapping plot). Celebrities must be living and you'll date them as they are now, not as you’d wish them to be (‘cause surely you wouldn’t want Tom Cruise riding the rails as engineer of the crazy train as he is now). My choices:
Monday--Arthouse Cinema & Café (Which, in general, I would never go for, because I do not care for artistic cinema. Give me shoot ‘em up, bang ‘em up, blow ‘em up any day. On second thought, shooting, banging and blowing sort of denotes a whole other kind of cinema, doesn’t it?)
1st stringer---Johnny Depp (Previously, he was “on deck.” His move up to 1st string is solely due to the fact that he’s just so fantastic as Willy Wonka in Charlie and the Chocolate Factory. Well, that and he's beautiful. Duh.)
On deck---Michael Vartan (He’s sad. He needs a hug, a latte and me.)
Tuesday--Hockey/Football/Basketball Game (i.e., homoerotic night)
1st stringer---Quin Snyder (Head coach of the Missouri Tigers men’s basketball team. He could patiently explain things to me and I could pretend to listen while dreaming of him getting naked. I believe that’s a fair trade.)
On deck---Matthew McConaughey (Homoerotic night, if certain folks are to be believed, would suit Matthew just fine. I’ll bring the bongos, Matthew. You bring your birthday suit.)
Wednesday--Date’s Choice (It BETTER be good.)
1st stringer---Michael Madsen (Can I just say that Michael Madsen would choose something totally off-the-wall? Some out of the way dive bar, a pie eating contest and then skee ball perhaps.)
On deck---Bruce Greenwood (Hot but an enigma. This man has made some extremely curious career choices [read: sucktastic] and yet has also appeared in some very fine films. I’d like to find out just where his head is at and direct him as to where it needs to go. Ahem.)
Thursday--Boat Ride/Carriage Ride/(something equally romantic)/Cozy Restaurant
1st stringer---Vince Vaughn (Because if you’re going to do something this cheesy at least go with someone who’ll make you laugh. Viva la fart sounds!)
On deck---Jon Stewart (Same principle as Vince but Jon, I think, may secretly enjoy the cheese.)
Friday--Rock-n-roll night: Rock Concert/Performance at club (someone totally shagtastic!)
1st stringer---Jon Bon Jovi (1st string two years ago and he remains so.)
On deck--- Brandon Flowers (Lead singer for The Killers. He pretty.)
Saturday--Country Drive/Incredibly expensive dinner/Till the cows come home
1st stringer---Jason Statham (Now Mr. Statham has replaced Brad Pitt--those are very large shoes to fill [or, not so large if you saw the Playgirl photos years ago]. However, I have every confidence in Jason Statham that he could totally transport me to another place. He is hella, HELLA H-O-T.)
On deck---Brad Pitt (Still incredihot although, sadly, Angie has ruined it for the rest of us.)
Sunday--Brunch/Lollygagging/hot tubs/massages and spa treatments baby!
1st stringer---Matthew Fox (I understand he likes to run around the Hawaiian island where Lost is filmed naked. This? Totally okay by me. I’m not sure how the patrons at the buffet will feel about it but I’m definitely for it.)
On deck---George Clooney (Because if a girl can’t be happy while hangin’ with George and getting a mani/pedi? There’s just no hope for her.)
The bullpen: Ed Norton, Bruno Campos, Josh Holloway, Cole Hauser, Yancey Arias, Colin Firth, James Spader, Jack Black, Jude Law, Owen Wilson, Hugh Grant, Ewan McGregor, Conan O’Brien, Robert Patrick and Ellen Denegeres.
I’m asking bigpimpinmba, hissandtell, mshizzle and niceguymike to make their selections for all to see. But anyone should feel free to play along.
Props to the creator of this game: Jessica.
4 comments so far
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