Friday, Feb. 17, 2006 - 3:15 P.M.
Dear Olympic National Committee:
I love the Olympics. I love them so much that I forsake programs I would normally never miss [e.g., Lost, American Idol (and these are even the crappy, snarktastic Hollywood episodes to boot!), 24]. I do DVR them to watch at a later date. Let�s not get crazy, after all.
You won�t find anyone who more eagerly anticipates both the summer and winter games with such fervor and glee than me. Every two years I am rabid with expectation -- the stories that will develop! the underdog who rises up to beat the big dog! the hardship over comer who lives in a small wooden shack in Kazakhstan with only a goat and two chickens for warmth who now finds himself on the world�s biggest stage! the scandals! the mayhem! the pageantry! Ah, yes, all very good things indeed.
However, with every Olympics comes the one thing I genuinely dislike about them. That set of folks who get all the press, the two or three people who are seemingly on a team for their respective country by themselves. Sometimes they do live up to the hype (Dan Jansen). More often, they crash and burn (Gail Devers). This time around, I�m speaking particularly of Bode Miller, Michelle Kwan and Apolo Anton Ohno. Now, I know it�s not Michelle�s fault you all act as if God himself is disappointed Michelle won�t be on board this time around, nor is it Bode�s doing that you all have made him into the second coming of Suzy Chapstick, but you guys need to give it a rest already.
Remember way back in Barcelona, summer of 1992, when you did the big ad campaign for Dan (O'Brien) vs. Dave (Johnson) before the Olympics even began? No? You know why? Because they blew. Dan didn�t even qualify for the Olympics, for Pete�s sake. Or, uh, Dan�s.
Let�s just try and put the focus back where it squarely belongs, okay? In the summer Olympics it�s hot men, soaking wet in teeny tiny swim suits, doing the butterfly and in the winter Olympics it�s hot men in super tight, body hugging spandex flying down a hill at 75 m.p.h.
Is that too much to ask?
P.S. Dear Johnny Weir: I�m sorry, did you say you were �America�s next great hope� or �America�s next great dope�?
P.P.S. Apropos of nothing, when you flush a toilet in Australia does the water in the toilet spin counterclockwise? Great Britain?
P.P.P.S According to the most obvious headline I�ve seen in a while, Yahoo! news is currently reporting that �men may exaggerate the number of sex partners they�ve had.� Get OUT!
You Give Me Fervor - Friday, Feb. 17, 2006