Thursday, Mar. 25, 2004 - 12:43 P.M.

Pretty much I�ve always been writing. (Thanks for asking!)

A couple of nights ago I came across a box of my miscellaneous writings and clippings. My earliest writing (at least that I kept) is from when I was 9 years old. It is a short story titled very age-appropriately--"Mrs. Ladybug."

I also ran across my attempt at a novel when I was thirteen. Also titled very age-appropriately--�Thirteen: A Crazy Age.� The entire book is about me, my best friend and a myriad of �fine� and �cute� boys. As if. As if all the boys that crossed my path at that age were hotter than a June bug in August. If only!

In one section of my masterpiece my brother (who, even though he is my brother, is described as �foxy�--I know it!. ew. And EW.) and his friends (yes, all impossibly hot) are drunk and my best friend and I try to sober them up before my mother returns home. Since I was thirteen, it pretty much goes without saying, I didn�t know nothing �bout nothing. (Side Note--If you are thirteen and you are reading this you probably think you know it all. Don�t kid yourself, kid. You are dumb as a rock in the ways of the mad, cruel world!) Anyhow, back to the sots. The coffee? Takes 1 and � hours to �purk.� In addition to my spelling needing a little work, 1 and � hours? To perk? Small countries have been invaded in less time, ya'll.

The dialogue as regards the drunkards is hilarious. At thirteen, I had not been drunk yet. I didn�t know how people who had partaken spoke! I was sheltered! My alcohol use didn�t start until FOURTEEN. I must be forgiven then for this example of babble-of-the-bombed:

Me: �We need to get coffee in you now!�

My Brother: �Coffee want I would why?�

Me: �To sober you up, dope!�

My Brother: �K.O.�

Ok, you see what I did there? Backwards speak you guys! It�s the language of the loaded!

As well, it appears I was suffering from piss poor self image. On pretty much every page I am desperately seeking a curling iron or some form of make-up. All to impress the fine, fine boys. Gah, I was so lame!

Looking back now, perhaps a better title would have been �Thirteen: Don�t Know Shit.�

You Give Me Fervor - Friday, Feb. 17, 2006
Revamped Sex Camp - Thursday, Jan. 26, 2006
I'm Not Dead - Tuesday, Jan. 10, 2006
Ebert And Roeper? Watch Your Backs. - Tuesday, Nov. 29, 2005
Coffee? Tea? Map? - Monday, Nov. 07, 2005

� Purplecigar

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