Wednesday, Sept. 29, 2004 - 11:55 A.M.

So, Planet Toys has decided to team with CBS to produce a line of CSI-themed activity kits for children age 14 and up. The �CSI: Forensic Facial Reconstructive� kit will be available as soon as Friday. Other kits will be available later this year.

I don�t know why this idea squicks me out a little bit, but it surely does. A facial reconstructive kit? Why would that ever be necessary? Unless you're married to Tawny Kitaen? If you�re hankering for some good old fashioned medical gaming, take a look at the old favorite, Operation, or the new, and with a much improved title (it was called �Sicko�), Infection (yeah, go Google that one).

Anyhow, I started thinking about some other kits I�d like to see and I came up with these ideas. Any minute now my phone will ring and Milton Bradley will be offering me a staggering amount of money for these ideas. I just know it. I�m keeping my fingers crossed and my face constructed.

Dr. Phil�s �Heal Your Family� kit. Comes complete with Xanax and earmuffs for mom and a Venus 2000 (and, if you don�t know what this is, Google it. Be careful out there.) and beer for dad. The kids, unfortunately, get nothing. A fact that, if the kit is used properly, mom and dad won�t care a lick about. In fact, dad really, really won�t care. About anything. Ever. Again.

Michael Jackson�s �Do-It-Yourself Plastic Surgery� kit. Includes scalpel, plastique, a fuse, matches, Liquid Paper, Super Glue and a selection of moldable hard plastics. And a Thriller album. And CSI�s �Facial Reconstructive� kit.

The Without A Trace kit. Which will include nothing. Maybe some cotton balls. And lint.

Maury Povich�s �Are You My Baby Daddy?� kit. Every household should have one. At least the ones Kevin Federline visits. Also, if Kevin Federline is visiting your house? You really should purchase the HazMat �Decontamination� kit as well.

The Worst Case Scenario kit. Kevin Federline knocks on your door. Bringing Britney and Hell with him.

The Real World kit. Bills, sickness, money problems, ugliness and death all included. Staged television inclusive of young people who have none of the problems listed above are not.

I. am. going. to. make. a. fortune.

{{{{Ring Ring}}}}

You Give Me Fervor - Friday, Feb. 17, 2006
Revamped Sex Camp - Thursday, Jan. 26, 2006
I'm Not Dead - Tuesday, Jan. 10, 2006
Ebert And Roeper? Watch Your Backs. - Tuesday, Nov. 29, 2005
Coffee? Tea? Map? - Monday, Nov. 07, 2005

� Purplecigar

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