Wednesday, Oct. 12, 2005 - 3:55 P.M.

There�s a plumbing company here in town that has what, to me anyhow, is a somewhat strange advertisement running on radio. Lester Ellis Plumbing�s commercial goes on for one minute and thirty seconds about how their plumbers will: show up on time, wear shoe covers so as not to track dirt/mud/sewage through your house; smell good (I swear!), do the job right and will come back for free if it�s not done right; and, do all of this with a smile and nary a complaint. And, I mean, this is a peppy ad. There are, what appear to be, either small children or a chorus of chipmunks who rather exuberantly sing the tag line, �Our plumbers smell good and show up on time!� These folks are not just telling you these pleasing things their plumbers will do, they are selling you these things; pushing these facts hard. Like your plumbing experience will rival your last vacation rather than your last trip to the dentist. (Incidentally, though this company does not have their own Web site in which they tout these fine services, I ran across this entry where a gentleman in Ann Arbor, Michigan discusses this same thing.)

Okay, so that advert got me to thinking about other plumbers and what their advertisements must be like. I would think one has to work pretty hard to compete with Mr. Ellis and his Smell-Good-Show-Up-On-Time Brigade of Franchised Clean, Moral and Non-Complaining Professional Plumbers (try to fit that on the side of a van).

In our local telephone directory I found 21 pages of advertisements for plumbers and you know what? Apparently, stating what should be overall, conventional guidelines as something new and unheard of is the norm. For instance:

Roto Rooter promises �technicians who are background checked, drug screened, uniformed and badged (sic) with maid-like clean up service.� No dirty druggies for Roto Rooter!

ARS Service Express says they have �On-time plumbing guys. Amazing but true.� Also they are �Guaranteed On Time Or you Get 50 Dollars.� Hmm..."amazing but true." So, they�re admitting plumbers are generally never on time?

Benjamin Franklin plumbing service advertises themselves as �The Punctual Plumber.� AND, they say if their plumber is �one minute late, [they�ll] give you a Ben Franklin�a $100 bill!� Aw, now they�re just rubbing our faces in it! (I�d be watching my watch like. a. hawk.)

Hiller Plumbing goes so far as to give you a �Customer Bill of Rights� which promises you plumbers who are �knowledgeable, pleasant, clean and of the highest moral character.� Hiller does not screw around with morally corrupt unpleasant and unwise-as-to-the-ways-of-clogs-people, y�all.

All of that is great and it certainly sounds just delightful. However, isn�t it a little bit like selling what should be the ordinary and normal as something extraordinary and abnormal?

I�m expecting the cable company to come out any day with a jingle that says:

Hey, give us a call, we�ll show up on time.
No, really! We will. We�re not like the rest.
If you are a woman don�t worry about being home alone!
Our people won�t hurt you. You won�t need your cell phone.
We don�t hire rapists or murderers.
C�mon you can trust us. We�re the best!

What�s next? Honest auto mechanics with no grease under their nails? Doctors who schedule only one patient to one appointment time and who have legible handwriting? Someone claiming Tom Cruise actually got them pregnant?

Wait, that�s going too far, isn�t it? Isn�t it?

You Give Me Fervor - Friday, Feb. 17, 2006
Revamped Sex Camp - Thursday, Jan. 26, 2006
I'm Not Dead - Tuesday, Jan. 10, 2006
Ebert And Roeper? Watch Your Backs. - Tuesday, Nov. 29, 2005
Coffee? Tea? Map? - Monday, Nov. 07, 2005

� Purplecigar

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