Wednesday, Sept. 08, 2004 - 12:14 P.M.

In life you can�t always say what you truly want to say. Because (most of the time) I�m a nice person this is certainly true for me. Today I�ll be exorcising some bad thoughts and snarky comments in hopes that by doing so I will be kept from wanting to cause bodily harm. Probably won�t work but at this point I�m willing to give anything a shot.

I get asked pointless questions all day long at work then go home to more of the same. I�m called upon to fix problems that others are quite capable of fixing, find things that others are quite capable of finding and make calls others are quite capable of making. I get asked questions that others know the answers to but are too lazy to do the thinking themselves. And really? How lazy is that? Pretty damn.

Example #1: �Mom! I can�t find the scissors!� .... Yeah, how about looking in the drawer where they�ve always been. For the six years we�ve lived here. If they don�t jump out and into your hands immediately this means they may be under duress and you may need to move things around to free them from their captor, the evil drawer. You may have to use your hands unless you are telekinetic. In which case, let�s talk about your room. And you making a little cash for mama in Vegas.

Example #2: �Girl! (my husband�s term of endearment for me; charming, no?) Where are my shorts/sheep shears/goggles/fantasy football numbers/etc.?� .... I�m no Sherlock Holmes but the first place I�d check is wherever you left them, genius. How the holy hell should I know where they are? More importantly I don�t care where they are as long as wherever they're located does not block my view of the TV/the bed/the pantry where I�ve hidden all my snacks from you and the teenage garbage disposal upstairs.

Example #3 comes from a co-worker: �I�ve screwed up a fax and I need to call the recipient, but I don�t have their number.� .... Well then allow me to introduce you to the telephone. It was invented in the 1800�s so it�s still new. No wonder you missed it. Have you heard about electricity? Moving pictures? Cars? Clues? Getting one?

Example #4 from another co-worker: �Tell me again (<---key word alert!) how to print to your printer.� ..... You could try doing what I�ve told you to do the last four times you�ve asked me. Barring that you could be a trailblazer, try something new, and write it the hell down so you don�t need to ask me again. Ever.

I�ll admit I�ve got a bad case of martyr complex (not to be confused with herpes simplex) going on right now. There are days when I believe I�m the only one who does anything and today is one of them. I�ll also admit that today I�m sporting a dangerous combination of moods - melancholy and bitchy - and I�ll probably regret this entry later. Later. Not now.

Now I mean every single word.

You Give Me Fervor - Friday, Feb. 17, 2006
Revamped Sex Camp - Thursday, Jan. 26, 2006
I'm Not Dead - Tuesday, Jan. 10, 2006
Ebert And Roeper? Watch Your Backs. - Tuesday, Nov. 29, 2005
Coffee? Tea? Map? - Monday, Nov. 07, 2005

� Purplecigar

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