Friday, Nov. 12, 2004 - 10:42 A.M.

Last Saturday night myself, my husband and several friends participated in a trivia contest. It was a fundraiser for the FFA club of a very suburban high school, as you probably could have guessed by the letters �F� �F� and �A,� which, for any of you who don�t know, stand for Future Farmers of America. In fact, it was more like a sub-suburban school. So you can read that one of two ways, I either, one -- helped out a struggling program by plunking down $25 for the pleasure of possibly whipping some ass in a trivia contest; or, two -- I plunked down $25 to eat school chili and grilled cheese sandwiches and spend a night in Hicktown, USA. And remember, I live in Tennessee, y�all. I know from Hicktown. I can speak about Hicktown. It�s not like I�m from, say, New Jersey, discussing hicks in the south. I am a hick in the south. By the by, I believe there are hicks in every corner of North America they�re just only called out in the south. I don�t know why that is.

There were ten categories ranging from Literature to Music, History to Agriculture and �80s to Science. Unfortunately, our team did not fare well in the Agriculture category. I�m pretty sure it was a �gimme� category for the locals. What? You don�t believe me? Have you ever heard of a Poland China breed of pig? Who the Commissioner of Agriculture is? When you should trim a cow�s hooves? Yeah. Us either. We tanked on that category, getting only five of ten correct.

Five of ten was still better than the three of ten we got in the U.S. History category. It�s a sad commentary on our society when in the categories of Television and the�80s all teams did really well (and, I might add, I in particular killed on the �80s questions) while in the categories of Science and History? Not so much. My dreams of going on Jeopardy! are officially dashed. I could maybe win on Pop Culture Jeopardy! or All �80s Jeopardy! Those should definitely be shows. Wouldn�t you love to see Alex Trebek reading the answer, �This person shot to fame on Baywatch and then was shot frame-by-frame in an explicit sex romp with her tattooed husband.� �Who is Pamela Anderson?� Correct! Or, �This band had a hit with the song �Wild Wild West� then escaped leaving one to wonder where they had gone.� �Who are The Escape Club, Alex?� Correct!

Our team came in third. We were looked upon as �outsiders� and �city folk� and people were none too happy to see our name among the top three finishers. I even had a man come up to me afterward and say the obligatory, �Y�all ain�t from around �ere are ya?� Seriously. That happened. Granny and PawPaw kickin� their ass, however, they were apparently fine with because in the end, a table of octogenarians beat everyone. Each team had six players and it�s no exaggeration to say that the median age at their table had to be at least 68. Er, not that we figured it up. I mean, great for them and all but it sort of smacked of them having known the answers. Surely they did not know of Beverly Hills, 90210, Sara McLachlan and Flashdance. Did they? How could they?

And, finally, here�s a little joke on topic:

What's the difference between a southern zoo and a northern zoo?
A southern zoo has a description of the animal on the front of the cage�along with a recipe.

Yee-Haw.

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� Purplecigar

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