Wednesday, May. 18, 2005 - 4:25 P.M.

It’s taken me a while to write this entry due to the fact that I could barely get into my shower this morning. Then I had to squeeze into my car. Once at work I had trouble getting in the door and remaining upright has been quite the challenge all day. Perhaps you’re thinking I’m ensconced in a full-body cast? Or maybe I’m allergic to bees and have had an appendage stung by 249 of them? The truth is much worse and almost as painful. Ready?

I currently have a zit on my forehead that can only be described as “mammoth.” I considered “huge” and “gigantic” and even “ginormous” as descriptives but those still did not come close to identifying this living being that has sprouted overnight. Eventually I turned to my thesaurus for help in finding a word that conveyed the right amount of size. Sherpas are booking hikes on this thing. Seriously it’s that big. Ohhh, yes, it is. I think I saw it looking hungrily at small children while I was out at lunch. I know I heard it giggling at my crunchy shrimp rolls as a source of sustenance.

When I was a teenager I was fortunate enough to never really have acne. But, oh how the god of the sebaceous gland is punishing me now. As an adult I get one zit every month. And, ladies, I know you know what time of month that is. One a month doesn’t sound so bad, right? And, you’re right, it wouldn’t be if it weren’t for the fact that that one zit is approximately the size of a doorknob and takes about as long as American Idol to finally go away.

Sure, I could try using various make-ups and concealers to mask it, but really? It’d be a bit like rearranging the deck chairs on the Titanic at this point. In fact, you could probably fit a deck chair on this thing. Or the whole deck.

At any rate, I suppose there is an upside to this.

At least when I go to the beach this summer I’ll have built-in shade.

You Give Me Fervor - Friday, Feb. 17, 2006
Revamped Sex Camp - Thursday, Jan. 26, 2006
I'm Not Dead - Tuesday, Jan. 10, 2006
Ebert And Roeper? Watch Your Backs. - Tuesday, Nov. 29, 2005
Coffee? Tea? Map? - Monday, Nov. 07, 2005

© Purplecigar

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