Wednesday, Jul. 20, 2005 - 3:04 P.M.

This past weekend was the grand opening of Hustler Hollywood here in Nashville. As you can probably imagine, when talk began of building this store, it didn�t go over well here what is called the �the buckle of the bible belt.� And, though the talk of Hustler Hollywood�s construction brought about incense and outrage, the grand opening brought out the masses.

I�ve never addressed religion and my views thereon here and I won�t go too deep today. I�ll say only this: I believe unwaveringly in God. And, I firmly believe that one man should not, and has no right to, judge another man. It�s perfectly ludicrous that folks who are self-described Christians cannot bring themselves to subscribe to this very simple principle --man should not judge man. Period. Whether because someone believes in God or because someone does not believe in God. Whether because of someone�s like of something that another may disapprove of and think of as abnormal or for someone�s not liking something that another approves of and deems to be normal. The word normal is subjective and loaded. Try not to use it.

Larry Flynt was here for the grand opening and was interviewed by all the local news channels. Catching snippets of one channel�s broadcast in the morning and a different one later that day and so on, I heard him say on more than one occasion that the store was not a �porn� store and it was an open, airy, bright environment and not a dark, seedy back-alley-entrance den of wickedness and immorality. Bring the kids, even! Of course, I�m paraphrasing. But not that much.

So it was that I and my husband found ourselves at Hustler Hollywood this past Saturday. First, let me attest to the fact that the store is open and airy and bright and not at all like any shop you�ve probably ever been in where they sell adult products. However (surely you knew there�d be a however), it�s not a family favorable fun zone. Unless, say, you�re the Osbournes or the Federlines.

There�s a sex swing in the middle of the store. Porn videos play on big-screen televisions that hang from the ceiling. Penis, boob and vagina shaped this and thats are everywhere. Magazines and video covers are on full display. Toys hang from every wall. In other words? Eden. Or Gomorrah. Depending on which side of the fence you come down on.

Now, not much embarrasses me. I�m not all �oooh, I can�t pay for tampons in this grocery line because there�s a boy at the check-out� or �oh my gosh, I can�t let anyone see me buying condoms!� That�s just silly and, furthermore, it�s not as if I�m going to see these people again. Who cares! Nothing in the Hustler Hollywood store embarrassed me either. Not asking to see a specific product, not perusing the various items. Still, something did unsettle me.

The staff, each of whom looked every bit your typical young suburban sophisticated adult circa 2005, had an uncanny way about them. It was their ability to be almost Stepford-like in their indifference and apathy to the questions that were asked. I suppose that�s the idea, you know. So that anyone can go in there and ask for specifics on the giant dildo with the rabbit like attachment and six-speed hands-free remote, and not feel like the clerk is all, �Dude? You are a seriously messed up freak.� Only, like in a childish quest to make the Royal Guards lose their shit right in front of the Palace by some joke or trick, you almost wanted to see how far you could push these folks before they got all fetal position and insisted, nay demanded, that you be kicked out of the store for your bizarre and peculiar love of giraffe/zookeeper porn.

But I doubt they would�ve even blinked their well-manicured, pierced eyebrows at that. Maybe part of their training was several days at the manse of Flynt and now they are completely desensitized. Maybe they had to watch Britney & Kevin: Chaotic eleventy-billion times. All I know is they were so reserved and non-smirking-in-the-face-of-requests about testicle clamping and anal beads the size of a mini Cooper, that it made me wonder if they are so unimpressed because they�ve experienced almost all of these things.

Which led me to wonder what the hell the job interview was like.

You Give Me Fervor - Friday, Feb. 17, 2006
Revamped Sex Camp - Thursday, Jan. 26, 2006
I'm Not Dead - Tuesday, Jan. 10, 2006
Ebert And Roeper? Watch Your Backs. - Tuesday, Nov. 29, 2005
Coffee? Tea? Map? - Monday, Nov. 07, 2005

� Purplecigar

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